The Misadventures of José Faxner

Well, what do you know? A day later, and it’s actually still snowy outside! Neat.

Crazy stuff - this winter has been pretty much entirely snow-free so far, but this has apparently changed - while I was getting groceries, no less. As I went to the grocery store the weather was the same as it’s been here in Gothenburg for the past few months - kinda cold, kinda windy, perhaps somewhat rainy - but when I got out maybe 20 minutes later, it was like blizzard outside! Well, OK, a very mild blizzard, but it was most certainly snowing. Not only that, but the snow actually stayed on the ground!

I’m no big fan of winter… in fact you could say I really, really don’t like it. I don’t have many nice things to say about snow either. That being so, a winter without snow just isn’t right. For all the inconveniences it brings with it, I do think snow can be really beautiful, and if nothing else it helps against the perpetual darkness we get here during our Swedish winters.

By the time I’m posting this, I’m sure the snow will already have melted away, but whatever. Hopefully more will follow, so the winter of 07-08 won’t have been completely pointless.

Hey everyone, and happy new year! I meant to write something sooner, but as usual I got sidetracked and for whatever reason couldn’t be bothered until now. I don’t usually bother with new years’ resolutions, but in a weak moment I considered starting the practice off with a bang, with a promise to write something on this site every day. Needless to say, this isn’t exactly a great start!

I’m still kind of on the fence as to whether I want to give it a try or not. I mean, on one hand I really want to keep this site better updated, and there really is no shortage of stuff to write about - as mundane as my life is things DO happen between updates, and for the times when they don’t, well, I’ve always got a good rant or two up my sleeve. But on the other hand, I’m pretty lazy, and I have the attention span of a 3-year old when it comes to this sort of thing.

I dunno though, I guess it could become a good exercise in discipline. It’s not like I don’t enjoy writing for the site, so I’m not really sure why I keep dreading it the way I do. I guess that’s my attention span for ya. Well, that and my bad habit of tackling pressure and expectations by putting off (if not completely ignoring) my responsibilities. :S

I guess my updates are more frequent and regular now than they ever were before, but that doesn’t really matter to me. I still feel like there’s so much I never write about, and I still spend alot of my time going around forming hypothetical blog posts in my head instead of writing actual ones, and as long as that stuff is going on, I guess I’m not really going to be very satisfied with the way I’m running this site.

I don’t want to make a big deal about it - I’m feeling enough like the boy who cried wolf as it is - but I do want to write more regularly, as well as write about more stuff. I mean, there’s only so much you can write about laying on the couch waiting for your welfare check, but as anyone who regularly chats with me on IRC or MSN can attest to, there’s a lot more I can talk about than that. In some circles I’m even infamous for my soapbox shenanigans, so it does seem a bit silly that now that I do have a grand stage set up for myself, I’m hardly using it. I guess I’ve always had kind of a fear of alienating my readership (all two of you) with incredibly nerdy stuff no one cares about, but it’s hardly as if infrequent updates on my private life is really going to take the internet by storm either. Besides, this whole site is MY thing anyway, so it would just be kind of silly to water things down to some kind of arbitrarily assigned lowest common denominator.

In fact I’m sure that’s one of the reasons updates haven’t been as frequent as they could’ve been; on some level I limit myself to stuff I feel I should write about as opposed to stuff I want to write about. That’s not to say that I don’t enjoy the stuff I’m doing now, or that I’m not writing about any nerdy stuff that would have a limited audience… but I think that’s the key word right there, audience. Needless to say, I want people to read my blog, or writing it would be somewhat pointless, but I think it’s surpassed by the pointlessness of conforming to an audience that I don’t even know exists. So from here on out, I guess I’ll try to ease up on the self-censorship, and see how that works out. Hey, if I’m lucky I might even GAIN some readers.

PS. My camera died, hence the delay of christmas photos. Once I get batteries for it I’ll upload some pictures.

PPS. You were totally right, Joe, I think way too much.

As always, Christmas dinner was great, and as always, I ate way way too much. But as far as I’m concerned, that’s what christmas is all about - having a good time and stuffing yourself full of fatty delicious foods, candy, and all sorts of others unhealthy things.

I got some real nice presents too. I got 300 on HD-DVD, so I’ll actually get to see it soon! I also got a few books that look pretty interesting as well as some money and gift certificates, and all in all I’m very satisfied with this year’s christmas haul. Quite excited to actually go spend some cash too! Some of it might go to a DS game or something.

Once digesting food and staying awake doesn’t take all of my energy, I’ll try to upload some of the photos I’ve taken. Among other things, I intend to give a rundown on some of the culinary high points of Swedish christmas celebration.

Before that though, I think I need to go sleep for 20 hours or so…

At 00:07, 2007/12/24, it’s now officially christmas. So enjoy!

God Jul!

Merry Christmas!

Feliz Navidad!

Fröhliche Weihnacthen!

メリークリスマス！

More holiday updates to follow.

As you might be aware, I haven’t written much lately. Not at all, even. It’s certainly not the first time, and it would be easy to jump to the conclusion that my efforts to actually start updating this thing on a regular basis were as pointless as I had perhaps somehow feared. I have to say though - for good or for bad - that that isn’t quite the case.

To make a long story short, I’ve simply been pretty depressed lately. My job situation seems to go nowhere, and I’m stuck in a vicious circle where I need to put more effort into job hunting, but the situation I’m in robs me of all the motivation I might’ve had. The fact that it’s getting colder and darker outside; something that usually manages to get me down on its own, is not helping matters. And don’t get me started on how much I miss Japan and all of my friends there.

There have been better days, and there have been worse days, but generally speaking I just haven’t been in a good mood at all for quite some time now. It’s not like I’m crying myself to sleep every night, but those times where I don’t feel anxious and sad, I feel more like I’m staving off the looming unhappiness than feeling genuinely good. My lack of motivation isn’t just limited to the job hunt - I never feel like I can be bothered to do anything, and in fact I seem to have a difficult time finding much joy in anything I do.

I realise that going all emo and whining on your blog about your dark, depressing life is about the most cliché use of internet technology imaginable, but please bear with me. I’ll definitely try not to make a habit out of it. To be frank though, as far as going-ons in my life are concerned, there really isn’t alot more to be said. I still sit around doing very little while dreading going to my job those few nights a week… Of course there are other things to write about, but, well, with the current situation I just haven’t felt like writing. Maybe writing would take my mind off things, I dunno, and it’s possible I’ll give it a try, I guess. But as usual I can’t really make any promises, so we’ll just see what happens.

So yeah, I’ve got a part time job… It’s not immensely thrilling, and considering I only get to work a few nights a week it doesn’t really do alot for my finances either. It is kinda nice to be DOING something though, even if it amounts to bothering people with a few (not very interesting) questions. When I do get to talk about friendly, enthusiastic people, it’s actually kinda enjoyable, but most of the time seems to be spent trying to actually get hold of people, and people willing to be interviewed, at that.

All things considered though, I guess it’s a decent job for what it is. If nothing else, I’m infinitely grateful I’m not trying to sell anything to people, cause I’m not sure if I’d be able to live with myself doing that. I despise phone salesmen (well, not the actual people - if they have to take a job that shitty they certainly don’t need me being mad at them), and as far as I’m concerned it’s a horrible shopping method. One thing that surprised me though, is how much work it actually is. You’d think chatting on the phone is nothing, but I find myself getting really exhausted, and needing those 5 minutes off every hour pretty badly. I guess it’s a matter of getting used to it as well, but I will admit that it’s certainly taken a heavier toll on me than I would’ve anticipated. For one, I’ve practically started drinking coffee overnight. I guess time will tell whether I’ll make it into a habit or not, but as it stands I drink a few cups a day at work. Actually, I kind of hope it won’t become a habit, as I’m sure it’ll only turn into a downward spiral. :/ But I guess getting through the workday is the primary concern.

I’m officially no longer a lazy, welfare-receiving, unemployed slob… I’m now a lazy, welfare-receiving part-time working slob! Well, I’m not actually working yet, but I will be as of Monday. It’s not the greatest job in the world - I’ll be doing market research through phone interviews, and it’s 4 nights a week - but I’d say it’s a good start. It may lead to full-time work, so it’s got that going for it as well. I’ve got my eyes on a few other jobs as well, and hopefully having a part-time employment will help chances. Things are looking up!

In other news, I’ve finally received all of my boxes with stuff from Japan! Things are really messy with piles of games, toys and manga kind of spread out in the apartment (and of course my room isn’t even remotely in order yet), but I’m immensely happy that everything got here, and outside a few damaged CD cases (that weren’t in stellar condition to begin with) everything arrived intact. I finally got my Super Famicom, Sega Megadrive and Saturn, so I can start enjoying the games that have been sitting on my shelves, taunting me. I also received my PS3 arcade stick, so I can at last start playing Virtua Fighter 5 again.

I’ve been in a bit of a slump lately, hence the lack of updates. Sorry about that. I really do hate having to apologize about lack of updates (as opposed to HAVING updates) but I guess it can’t really be helped. I’ve been in somewhat of a bad mood for a few days, but as much as I like vent about stuff I guess this is something I’d rather not talk about really. Which kinda begs the question of why I’m bringing it up in the first place I guess, but that’s neither here nor there.

My life hasn’t been completely uneventful, though frankly not incredibly far from it. I’m still out of a job, I still haven’t gotten my room in order, and I still haven’t lifted a finger get photos or anything else ready for this site. I do have stuff I want to write about, but for some reason I just can’t manage to find the time and energy to sit down and do it - this despite the fact that it doesn’t really require much of either; and that alot of the time I’m already sitting down at the computer anyway. There is kind of a mental block around it I guess, and as fate would have it, it only tends to get worse the longer I go without making that effort. Right now, I AM writing for the site but even then I can’t really find the motivation to write about any of the things I had planned to write about.

As much as I enjoy the actual writing, sometimes I kinda do wonder if I’m really cut out for blogging. It does seem like I spend alot more time thinking and worrying about it than actually contributing to the site. Needless to say, I hope I get out of this slump soon so I’ll start writing something of value soon instead of this drivel.

Still unemployed, still not having much luck with the job hunting. Recently I’ve been dealing with unemployment and welfare offices, so with any luck I will start getting my welfare check next week, and will at least have some kind of money. Hell, at this rate I’m happy if I’ll be able to get a bank account balance above zero. So anyway, yesterday I got this thing from the social welfare whatever office - or, well, I think it was for me anyway…

It’s nice to know you’re in good hands.

In just under an hour I’m off to the train station, to go home to my parents. I’ll be staying there for a few days helping them with their move and preparations for their big housewarming party, and return here by Saturday night in time for our own festivities. I haven’t really had any kind of party since the end of the Kantou festival in early August, so I’m really looking forward to it. Just wish all the cool people from AIU could be there.